I have been wanting to do a series on self awareness for sometime now. I will be posting some words of wisdom and activities to help us all reach a better level of understanding of self. As I post this to my local Polyamory page, I will add the new sections to this writing.
Week 1
This is the first posting for my web series Know Thyself. A journey in discourse and exercises to create better self awareness. As we know ourselves better, we can communicate our needs and boundaries more effectively. I am excited to start this journey with me.
Self-awareness is defined as the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives and desires.
To start we are going to learn how to be better aware of ourselves. How do we become aware if we don’t know how to listen to our bodies, feelings, thoughts?
There are a tons of great YouTube videos on mindful meditation. You can find one that works for you or find other ways of checking in with yourself. I often take advantage of the traffic in the Charleston, SC area. While most people find it frustrating, I take the opportunity to check in with myself. I step back from what I am currently experience and ask myself: how is my body feeling? What emotions have I been experiencing recently? Am I currently in a depressed state?
Other options that may be effective are yoga, listening to music, an artistic project, fishing, exercise and/or grouding techniques
Click to access educational_resources10.pdf
This weeks homework is to try at least 3 types of mindful meditation to help you discover what works for you. Don’t be afraid to use Google to come up with ideas.
Week 2
As we complete the writings each week I encourage each of you to compile the information and create a handbook all about you.
There are a number of resources that help you during your self discovery journey. We are going to start this week off with a self awareness test. At the end of this series we will go back and retake the test to find out what type of progress we have made.
Read over the information in the link and complete the quiz. Feel free to share what you have learned in the comments section.
Although, this isn’t a clinical assessment, it can be utilized to better understand what areas we may need to focus more time on in order to grow in the direction we are working towards.
This was my result:
“Big Picture Forming
Good job! You’re above average in your self-awareness. The blinders are coming off, but the big picture is still forming. Keep going! You’ve gained a lot of insight and had plenty of aha moments in your life. There are details missing that will serve as keys to moving on to enlightenment.”
I would like to point out that I have only reached this point through years of tireless effort towards self growth and I recognize that I am still on this journey with you.
For this weeks homework I would like to start working on our core values. Our values create the framework for our decision making.
I really like the steps Scott Jeffrey uses to help discover those values.
“To help you uncover your own personal core values, here are three processes you can try:
1) Peak Experiences
Consider a meaningful moment—a peak experience that stands out.
What was happening to you?
What was going on?
What values were you honoring at this time?
2) Suppressed Values
Now, go in the opposite direction; consider a time when you got angry, frustrated, or upset.
What was going on? What were you feeling? Now flip those feelings around.
What value is being suppressed?
3) Code of Conduct
What’s most important in your life? Beyond your basic human needs, what must you have in your life to experience fulfillment?
Creative self-expression? A strong level of health and vitality? A sense of excitement and adventure? Surrounded by beauty? Always learning?
What are the personal values you must honor or a part of you withers?”
Sometimes we have a hard time finding the right word that seems to express the value. I found it helpful to Google definitions and synonyms of many of the values when I was discovering my own. Here is a helpful list to get started. Only use the list as a resource.
Click to access values-exercise.pdf
We’ll narrow down the values to a core set in the next posting.
Week 3
This week we will continue our work with our core values. Core values help us to create a life that is satisfying to our needs.
Now that we probably have a ridiculously long list of values, how do we narrow them down to our core values? Those parts of us that drive our decision making.
Our next step is combining values into groups. Those that are associated with one another will be listed together. For example, I have values of kindness, benevolence, caring and thoughtfulness. These are all listed and grouped together. Another example are my values of dependability, accountability and reliability. If you have values that don’t fit with others put them in a group on their own.
Once you have your lists or groups together, choose a central theme among them. What is one word that best describes that group? It can be a word that is listed or another word that you feel best fits.
Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey https://www.viacharacter.org/Survey/Account/Register “The VIA Survey is a scientifically-validated survey that is regarded as a central tool of positive psychology. It’s been used in hundreds of research studies and taken by over 8 million people in over 190 countries–free, because we believe everyone should be able to harness the power of their most positive traits.”
How do your strengths match up to your values? How do your strengths help you maintain the values you have listed?
Our homework this week is to take the central theme for each group and write what it means to us. Why does that value hold meaning in your life? For example, benevolence is the theme I chose. Benevolence for me is the care of others without expecting anything in return. It is the idea that others are equal, but also require compassion and support. That even strangers have value and should be treated with the same love as those that are intimate with me.
This is obviously my interpretation of that value. Consider how you use your values in your own life. If you have difficulty coming up with what it means to you, let your list sit for a bit and pick it up at a later time. As you examine what each of these values mean to you, it is ok to make adjustments to your list. You may find a value doesn’t fit the idea of what you thought it was in originally. When you complete this work, you should have a short list of core values.
Week 4
Our core values should be the first page we place in our User Manual. They are a reflection of ourselves and how we interact with the world around us.
This week we are going to move into our interactions among our relationships. The first part will be examining our attachment styles. These can be vary different from one another depending on who makes up that relationship. Here is some information on Attachment Theory.
You may already feel you have an idea of some of your attachment styles within some of your relationships as you read the article. Certain styles may have brought to mind specific relationships. We are going to continue this work by taking an attachment style test. You will take multiple tests for multiple relationships, thinking only of your interactions between yourself and the other person.
http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl
Once you have your results for the relationships that you wanted to examine, take a moment and right down the results. Include, the description of that attachment style. Then think about the interactions that came to mind while taking the assessment. What occurs in that relationship that may have you feeling secure or anxious? Record those thoughts as well.
For our homework this week, we will be completing 2 additional tests for Love Languages and Apology Languages.
Week 5
After taking the 5 Love Languages quizzes, you can print out the results and add that to your User Manual.
Using what you have learned from your relationship attachment styles and love language quizzes, this week we want to analyze our results and think about what we need in our relationships.
For example, my most pronounced love language is words of affirmation. In my anxious attachment relationship I struggled with feeling appreciated. After analyzing this relationship, words of affirmation were very rarely used. In fact, often words were used in a negative way. So, a need I have in my relationships would be for others to tell me how much they appreciate what I do. I also need them to find constructive ways to offer criticism such as using a compliment sandwich.
After going through you relationships, you should have at least a few needs that you were able to write down. I would recommend using at least 3 relationships to come up with your needs.
For homework this week, complete the User Manual created by Polyamory Weekly. If you discover new needs using their form make sure you add them to the list.
Monologue in AFOG 