Breaking

I read an amazing article tonight that spoke on conduct within the Polyamory community and the need to do better. https://macrogrrrls.wordpress.com/2019/03/14/on-shaming-in-the-polyamorous-community/?fbclid=IwAR2zIzydiaizzK3E-Ht4ac0Ti3-M1S_sbvn4Mih0XIfr71Tq4hXmtKmgBWo

That is a fantastic point, but the part that stood out to me is when the author spoke about breaking. I have rarely heard anyone describe their experience in that way. Polyamory is life changing for many of us. It is also a painful experience. You have to challenge your norms. You have to tear everything you thought about relationships into little pieces and figure out if they even fit together anymore. It is a shedding of ideals that you didn’t know were a weight you carried. Then one day you take this deep breath and can’t believe the metamorphosis and continue your journey of growth. It doesn’t stop. You just have moments of reflection where you see where you came from.

A dear friend of mine came up with the phrase, AFOGers: those who enjoy the pain of growth. For many of us, we live for the moments when we will be bruised, broken or even ripped open. We don’t seek them out, but when they come along they are not frightening in the sense that we will be crushed under them. We do not avoid or run away. We walk into the fray knowing that we will be stronger and wiser on the other side. It doesn’t stop the pain or anguish. It does often give a weird sense of peace though. That this pain is just temporary. We will pass through. We don’t attach ourselves to it. These moments are not failures, but just another opportunity to learn about ourselves and those around us.

This does not happen for everyone. For others Polyamory is just pain, frustration and disappointment. If it wasn’t trans-formative, that’s okay too. Hopefully, you learned about yourself along the way and you are able to heal from the pain as you find your path to your own happiness. There is no shame if your journey is not like others around you.

Polyamory is a journey of self discovery. An adventure that is terrifying and exciting. It leads you down paths that were hidden. Regardless of what your journey looks like, it is rare to find yourself unchanged by the experience.